I write this to you by candle light from a cold, dark, cobweb riddled cell in the basement of a top secret waterboarding facility in rural Massachusetts. You are being given the once in a lifetime opportunity to write an institutionalized beast. After 10 years of captivity you can be the 1st woman to contact me! This is an experience money cannot buy and trust me this is something you must do before you die. You should only respond to this if you want to (A) Piss of your husband and/or boyfriend (B) Make the ladies on “girls night out” question your sanity, or (C) Have the time of your life!
I’m a very passionate man I must say. I’ve broken countless hearts, stolen millions of $ worth of fine art from museums … I have killed. If you respond to this your life may never be the same. Surgeon General Warning: Writing Johnny Walker is extremely addictive and may lead to symptoms such as uncontrollable laughter, smiles, weight loss, minor hallucinations and day dreams. Do NOT consult a doctor before writing; you must be a woman over 18 to write Johnny Walker. Viewer discretion is advised.